How To Overcome Heartbreak

Hey, lovely people! Long time, no “see”. When I say that 2016 has done a number on me, I ain’t lying. From my cancer scare, to the hysterectomy, to complete healing in my body, I have been on an emotional and physical roller coaster. But I’ll tell you something that’s been solid as a rock; my faith. I could preach a sermon and tell a testimony that would have a non-believer giving God thanks, but I won’t do that today. Just know that God is good, and He is oh, so faithful!

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I’m starting to get back in the swing of things. I’ll be returning to work, after a 6 month leave, at the start of 2017. Hopefully, my life will be back to normal. With ALL that being said, I’m finally back to blogging! And I couldn’t wait to share one of the latest projects I’m participating in.

One of my author friends, Ms. Nicole Miller, was on a broadcast with me earlier this year about the challenges of living a celibate lifestyle. What I shared on that call about a previous relationship must have resonated with Nicole, because she contacted me to collaborate on a book project with her about overcoming heartbreak. I was only too pleased to oblige, and we spent about 30 minutes on the phone taking a heart wrenching walk down memory lane.

I shared some intimate things, y’all. Like some stuff I haven’t even shared on this blog and you guys know I be letting you all up in my business. Things like being in a totally dysfunctional foul jacked up relationship and not thinking that I deserved better. Things like losing my daughter when I was 7 and a half months pregnant. I’m telling y’all, we went in.

Then, through the magic of publishing, a wonderful book appeared in my mailbox yesterday. It’s entitled How to Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal and it’s absolutely overflowing with genuine stories of men and women who have experienced heartbreak AND how they overcame that heartbreak. Let me assure you that Nicole knows exactly what she’s doing. I was all over the place in my interview and she put it together in a way that truly allowed my story to shine. She did the same with every single person interviewed for this project.

The truth is that most of us have experienced heartbreak in some capacity or another. The key is to move past that heartbreak and to do so with grace. To not allow bitterness to set up residence in your heart, and to transition into a place where you are once again open, and ready to receive and give love.

So that’s all for now, folks. I had to share How to Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal with you because I really feel like it will touch a lot of people and bring them to a heart space of peace. Get a copy for yourself, some friends or anyone you think would benefit from reading it!*

Until next time…

Get real with your girl and tell me about your own story of heartbreak and how you overcame it. Let’s have our own little therapy session together. 😉

*I am not receiving any compensation for participating in this project. I am simply doing it because I truly believe in the healing power of words.*

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Is He Ready to be a Husband? Guest Post by Michelle Stimpson

Every once in a while I’m blessed to meet what I like to call a kindred spirit. This person is typically someone I’ve just met who already feels like a long time friend. Someone I immediately feel at home with and who generally is a lot wiser than me. I LOVE when this happens! So, I’m pleased to have one of my kindred spirits, author Michelle Stimpson, share this blog space today. I hope the following post spoke to you the way it speaks to me!


Is He Ready to be a Husband?

michelleIn ministry to women, I’ve been blessed to meet several Christian sisters who profess to know Him and be actively seeking God but are still unsure of what a godly man looks like. Let me be clear: No man is perfect. Some men are wolves in sheep’s clothing, but I believe that many more just need an opportunity to grow as people and in their relationship with God before they are ready to marry.

To that effect, let me share advice that MANY women have shared with me—clues that he is either is not a godly man or is not ready to be married to one of God’s precious daughters at this time. While we are not in a position to judge a person’s salvation, it is possible to see the “fruit” of the Spirit as clearly outlined in Galatians 5:22. Each of the characteristics below could easily be classified under one or more of these traits.

Let me forewarn you: The tone of the advice is strong because the women who shared the tidbits were adamant in their discussions. Here goes!

1. How does he talk about people? Does he routinely discuss how silly other people are? Does he speak ill of family members and people who are supposed to be his friends? Is he the only smart person in his version of what happened at work? The love of God is manifest in our love for one another. A man who makes a habit of belittling and fault-finding has not yet realized God’s love for him and is still full of pride. Eventually, his accusatory finger will turn to point at you.

Contrarily, a man who speaks life and goodness into and about others will readily prophesy God’s goodness over every aspect of your marriage. When tough times come, he will speak edifying words that build you both!

2. Does he routinely lead you or tempt you into sin? A man who is sincerely concerned about your spiritual well-being does not want you to compromise your faith. The love of God does not lead us away from His desires for us. If he’s leading you wrong now, what makes you think he’ll lead you right later?

A husband who loves the Lord seeks to obey Him (John 14:23-24). A wife who trusts in the Lord alongside a husband who honors God can rest in the fact that even when she’s not 100% sure of where her husband is leading, she can trust that God will honor her husband’s decision and her obedience.

3. Does he initiate conversations about God? Jesus? The Holy Spirit? It would be impossible for your man to know God intimately and not mention Him in conversation with someone else he’s bringing into the inner circle (i.e. you). When the old man dies, the new life is lived through Christ (Galatians 2:20). If the “new man” is silent, this is a red flag.

Why is this important? The man is the head of the household (1 Corinthians 11:3). A man who actively seeks God for guidance will find it (Matthew 7:7). What a blessing it will be to know that your husband is consulting the Master about your marriage!

4. If he has children already, is he an active part of their lives? A man who does not support his children in every way possible has a character problem; he is not exhibiting the character of God. Such a man is not ready to be married to you or be the godly father you want for your children. Also, don’t fall for the, “I don’t have a lot of time,” excuse, either. If he’s had enough free time to pursue you, he had time to try to keep in touch with his children.

If it’s “in him” to do right by his children and remain respectful to the mother of his child(ren), he understands what it means to hold up his end of an obligation.

5. Could he support you both financially? A man isn’t ready to be married until he can adequately provide for a wife and possible children. Even if you two decide on a two-income household, the question is still could he provide the basic needs if necessary? God didn’t give Adam a wife until he had a job. Who are we to think we know better than Him?

Do your future husband a favor: Allow him the time he needs to develop the confidence of knowing that he is capable of being a good provider. An able-bodied man who knows he can support his wife and children by the grace of God has fulfilled one of his God-given roles (1 Timothy 5:8). My personal advice to newly married couples is to try not to create a lifestyle that requires two full-time salaries.

6. How’s his temper? Does he call you outside of your name, curse at you or become almost scary when he’s angry? Is he easily agitated and impatient? These are major red flags. A man whose temper flares easily has a minefield of underlying issues that he needs to deal with before he can even begin to love you like Christ loved the church. He’s not ready to marry anyone, let alone you.

A patient husband can bring peace into an otherwise volatile situation. His calm presence alone de-escalates disagreements and keeps drama out from under your roof. Whether he is patiently teaching your son to tie his shoes or choosing to make a funny comment instead of arguing, his even temper will bless your household for years to come.

7. What about joy? Is he grumpy? Does he have a good time in the company of friends or family? Does he enjoy a hobby or is he still searching for what makes him happy? A man who is trying to find out what makes him “happy” is not ready to be married because he has yet to realize the Fountain of Life within him. Beware especially if he says you are the source of joy in his life. This is a problem because the joy of the Lord is supposed to be his strength, not you (Nehemiah 8:10). Resist the urge to be his all-in-all. It may be flattering, but you don’t want that burden for life.

A man who is filled with the joy of the Lord may not walk around whistling and smiling all the time, but he can face each day with hope, knowing that Christ will prevail regardless of circumstances. He can roll with the punches in your marriage because his joy is secure in God.

8. Does he forgive easily? Does he hold a grudge against his father? Does he bring up offenses from the past that he should have released a long time ago? Does he think everyone is out to get him? Is he the type who cuts people off forever when they get on his bad side? Forgiveness is a major factor in any successful marriage. Spouses have to forgive one another on a regular basis and be able to give one another the benefit of the doubt. If the man you’re dating does not know how to forgive, he will build up resentment toward the imperfect, “real” version of you in a short while. He is not ready until he has received forgiveness and gives it freely.

A husband who forgives easily will be your treasure from now until death do you part. After all, he has to put up with you, right? Because he understands how easily Christ forgave him, your husband shares that same heart for you. He will speak the truth in love in an effort to restore whatever the enemy is trying to steal from your marriage.

9. How well does he communicate? Men and women communicate differently, so this can be a tricky one. But here’s a pretty good test: When you two have a disagreement, is he able to patiently listen to your point of view and is he eager to resolve problems—or at least agree to disagree? A spouse who don’t communicate often has unspoken expectations that you could never fulfill and/or harbors undeclared resentments that you won’t even have the opportunity to rectify until he explodes in destructive communication.

The good news here is that, with effort, your husband can learn how to communicate the goodness in his heart. A wife who knows what her husband desires (and vice versa) is in a much better position to give him what he wants.

10. Is he generous? Is he a giving person or does he have an “every man for himself” mentality? The Bible tells us that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son (John 3:16). A generous, unselfish man who mimics his Heavenly Father will also be a giver. Does he faithfully support the ministries that feed believers through financial means? Generosity can even be see in little things like leaving tips at a meal or a quick donation to kids selling cookies outside the grocery store. Also, consider how he spends his time. Is it all used up on him and his interests/endeavors or does he share his time with those who are in no position to reward him? (Spending time with you doesn’t count because that’s mutually beneficial.) A selfish man is not ready to put his wife and family above his own desires.

A generous heart goes a long way in a marriage! A generous person approaches finances, time, goals, and even sex with a considerate mindset. Quite frankly, wives tell me that it’s just flat-out easier to lavish love on a man who so freely gives of himself.

The bottom line for a godly husband can be summed up in this question: Does he resemble your Heavenly Father? If you don’t see any fruit, it’s probably because there is no root or the root hasn’t grown deep yet. No one will ever love you like your Heavenly Father, but you should at least see some of His characteristics flowing through the man you intend to marry.

Along this same line, if you’re attracted to a man who doesn’t show any fruit, you’re not ready to enter a covenant, either, because no woman of God who understands her value in Christ would sign up to be with someone so far from her Father’s heart. Don’t make excuses for him or for yourself.

Seek God about your future spouse. Just today, I was talking to a newlywed who said to me, “God didn’t say no—so I took that as a ‘yes’.” Ask God to let you know if this person is His best for you and be willing to walk away if the answer is “no.”

Finally, know that a real man of God doesn’t want anything less than a real woman of God. If you have been leading him into temptation, cursing him out, and paying his bills, it’s no wonder you are with someone who’s so out of line. This is the blind leading the blind! Come out of darkness. BE the godly person you want to marry. Surrender to Christ and let His light shine in you. It will repel the ones who are not for you and attract one who is.


Faith Simone: Whew! If it hit you, say “Ouch!” and keep moving. I definitely needed to hear ALL of this. Practical, biblical based advice that gives me a clear compass for this thing called dating? Yes, please! Chile, the stories I could tell. Also, I couldn’t help thinking that we need to be what we’re looking for. In other words, we need to have our own houses in order before we go looking to set up house with someone else. Talk to me in the comments below, and let me know I’m not alone!

If this guest post blessed you, don’t hesitate to get more of the same by checking out Michelle’s latest release: Married for Five Minutes: Hope for Living Inside Real-Life Marriages. It’s full of practical advice for married folks, but as you can see from reading this post, it also includes plenty for singles too! Click on the pic, or title for more info. 🙂

 

Married for Five Minutes:
Hope for Living Inside Real-Life Marriages
Shundria Riddick, M.A., LPC & Michelle Stimpson

Release Date: June 28, 2016
Paperback ISBN: 1-943563-05-5
Hardcover ISBN: 1-943563-06-3
Ebook available through online retailers
Publisher: Edifying Reads, an Imprint of MLStimpson Enterprises

Confessions of Faith: Special Edition (Soul Ties)

soul tie

I’m about to go in on a touchy subject and I’ve gotta say, I’m not too comfortable with it.

But I’ve been around long enough to know that when I’m afraid to speak, the words I have to say will have the most impact for someone. So I speak them anyway. Even when my voice shakes and my heart pounds so loud I feel like the sound of it is going to drown out my whispers of truth.

I do it because I know that someone needs to hear these words. Feel them and tuck them away right next to their own quiet shame or sour bitterness or red-hot rage. Tuck them away until they’re ready to let it all go and walk into the cool calm waters of acceptance; float on the weightless glory of forgiveness.

What’s the Price of a Soul Tie?

I’m talking to church folk on this one. Backsliders in general, single women with emotional baggage in particular. Soul ties. A phrase tossed around in pulpits, written in the pages of books clutched desperately by those seeking answers… Those seeking deliverance.

  • But what does it really mean?
  • What does it really cost?
  • What’s the price for a soul tie and how can a sista’ get a refund?

Because if you’ve ever been caught up in a spiritual tug of war, you’re going to want everything you sacrificed to that war back. With interest.

(Click HERE to read the rest of this post at My Family Fantastic!)

Photo credit: MIKI Yoshihito (´・ω・) / Foter / CC BY

Know Me…

silhouette of man and woman

I don’t just want a man to hold me

I long for someone to know me

Console me…Intimately explore me

Then grow me and show me

That true love is so much more

Than any man has ever told me

Not interested in sex with the ex

Or even the next

Unless…

He chooses me

Not to use me

Never to abuse me

Willing to lay down his pride for me

Wife me…and commit his life to me

I don’t need a man to pay my way for me

Not looking for one to fight my battles for me

Just ride beside me and

Understand the passions that drive me

Take time to see me for me

No comparison to any woman who ever came before me

Except to confess

That they were so much less

Than the one he has now…

Cream of the crop

In other words ‘the best’

Never bringing the stress

Flying past every test

Got your heart drumming

Staccato beats in your chest

Yet still bringing your soul

To that place of rest

So will the brother

That considers him self able

To meet this challenge

And abide at my table

Make him self known so that he can

Feast on my delicacies

Grow strong on my heartiness

Compliment all about me that is savory

And indulge in my sweetness?

But only if you are ready to

Know me…

Did you relate to this poem?

Read more like it by purchasing “Voices from the Block’, the wonderful anthology I’m featured in!

Click here to check it out.  You won’t be disappointed!

 

Second Sight

Have you ever been so in love with someone that you lose sight of yourself? Or been so in love that you can’t see the object of your affection for what they really are? Well, I can say yes to both of those questions and this poem is about my personal experience with love, the loss of love…then love again. Hope it speaks to you.

Second Sight

When it all began

I looked at him skeptically

Thinking could he be someone with purpose?

Created and divinely designed

Especially for me?

I looked in his eyes

And thought I saw a reflection of me

I saw ambition and goals coupled with integrity

I saw hope and desire

Along with the drive to reach

What I thought was our combined destiny

I believed I had finally found love’s sweet melody

I floated on the wind

And heard his name whispered in the breeze

I saw what I wanted to see

It was only a matter of time

Before it all began to unwind

And the view from my eyes

Started to lose its shine

But me being me

I stubbornly towed the line

Ignored the warnings

And decided that I would fight

For what I felt was mine

Love is patient

Love is kind

No where does it say that love

Requires you to lose your mind

However I lost mine for a minute

Which I guess is easy to do when you are trying so hard

To find… To find…

To find

Any sort of truth coming through his eyessearching-1_l

Like I said I saw what I wanted to see

I did not see the lies

Did not recognize the game

Until it was too late

I was already wrapped up

Drowned and covered in my own shame

It was in that moment

That he saw himself reflected in my eyes

And he had to look away

Because he couldn’t stand the sight

Love is patient

Love is kind

And there is someone who walked the earth

To find…to find…

To find…me

Someone that whispers

Late into the night

Oh so quietly

I’ve been waiting for you

Sweet child love of my life

He showed me what I did not deserve

What I felt couldn’t be right

I saw myself reflected in His eyes

And I looked away because I couldn’t stand the sight

But everywhere I turned he was there with His grace

Telling me that His banner over me is love

And then He wiped the tears from my face

He covered my shame and my pain with His blood

Picked me up and set me in my rightful place

So now I see this love thing

Without any compromise

Reflected through His eyes

And I can’t look away

Because it is such a beautiful sight.

Did the poem above speak to you? I’d love to hear about it. Feel free to leave a comment below! 

Photo credit: kevin dooley / Foter.com / CC BY