Picture it: a perfectly lovely spring morning in Memphis. The sun was shining, the humidity was practically non-existent, the birds were chirping and the scent of magnolia trees at least 100 years old rose gently on the breeze.
But, ask me if I noticed any of that at the time. Nope, sure didn’t. Why? Because I was too busy grumbling about the inability of the people I shared the road with (I won’t call them drivers, because drivers know how to drive) to stay in their lanes, not finding a good parking spot at work and a plethora of other things before I copped an attitude with God.
Uh-huh. I copped an attitude with God. It’s not the first time, and unfortunately, it probably won’t be the last time. I had an attitude because it was His fault I even had to deal with incompetent road hoggers, bogus parking arrangements and waking up at the crack of dawn. Because if He was doing things the way I wanted them done, I’d be a full-time writer well on my way to selling the rights to my books for film options.
I proceeded to tell God that I just didn’t see why He hadn’t come through for me in this respect yet. I complained that there was no way He’d actually want me to work full-time for someone else’s vision, no matter how noble it might be, and then relegate my vision to nights and weekends. And furthermore, I didn’t think it was right that I should have to sacrifice my health to pursue my passion. No way could he expect me to operate on a few hours of sleep on a regular basis in order to produce books at the rate I want to. It just wasn’t fair!
Well, after my little temper tantrum, God responded the way He typically does; in a still, small voice. A reckoning in my spirit that calmed me and a reminder that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That the pressure I was putting on myself wasn’t His doing and that the gift He gave to me is supposed to be a source of joy, and not stress.
Me being me, I was like, “I hear all that. And thanks, by the way. But still, why haven’t you come through?”
Y’all, His answer hurt my feelings. DISCIPLINE. Or rather, my lack thereof. God reminded me that if I were more disciplined, there would be no need to sacrifice sleep or my so-called health. Maybe if I spent more of my free time actually writing, I would be further along in my entrepreneurial endeavors.
I spent a few more minutes trying to justify my situation. I’m on fitness journey. I’m on a weight loss journey. I’m on a financial freedom journey. I’m on a natural hair journey. I’m on a Netflix journey. I’m on a Diner Dash journey (Flo ain’t gon’ be able to serve those people by herself). I’m on a find-a-suitable-life-partner i.e. husband journey. You get the point. I find time to do everything that I want to do, but treat writing as though it’s a priority in my life.
Once I picked my face up off the ground after that Holy Spirit breakdown, I stopped making excuses and started giving thanks. Thanks to for Him loving me in spite of me. Thanks to Him for providing me with a day job and the skill set to do it well. Thanks to Him for gently guiding me into His plan for my life. I was grateful that God cared enough about me to listen to my rants, and to show me His ways.
He promised that if I commit the work of my hands to Him, He would bless my efforts. So I’m stepping back from all the social media hoopla I’ve been caught up in, taking the reigns off my floundering ‘marketing plan’ and getting down to the business (and joy!) of writing.
The funny part is that I think that’s all He’s ever expected me to do in the first place. The rest is up to Him. I’m OK with that.
Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:13 ESV
“A gift isn’t a gift, until you give it away.”-Unknown
What do you do when something you want badly seems to be taking its sweet time arriving? How do you balance your ambition with your circumstances? I told you my current kryptonite (lack of discipline) what’s yours? What’s getting in the way of you walking in your purpose? If you’re already fully walking in your purpose, tell us how you got there.
7 thoughts on “Confessions of Faith: Temper Tantrums and Attitude”
Very good reminder that God is not only the master architect of our lives but also the master life coach. How blessed we are that He loves us enough to listen and answer. I read recently that the best marketing task is to write the next book so seems to me you’re on the right path by focusing on the next great read. Good luck and happy writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Ann! I’ve been taking some major chill pills lately. As you said, God is the best life coach. When I focus on Him and what He would have me to do, everything else seems minor in comparison. His yoke is easy, the world’s is heavy!
You know what? Sometimes I have to think back on times in my life where things happened that I couldn’t understand. Those things frustrated me at the time, but years later, I always have my “aha!” moment and I realize that those moments happened to get me where I am. When I find myself dragging my feet on a project, I’ve learned that I also need those moments to balance things out (sometimes the story needs to simmer some more, or sometimes I just need to relax and regroup). I also tell myself that no matter the circumstances in the past, I’ve always managed to accomplish my goals, so why do I think that this seemingly insurmountable thing is any different? I think that we’re too hard on ourselves sometimes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes to ALL of this Quanie! I was just thinking that I need to treat myself with a little more compassion and trust God’s process. And I totally see where you’re coming from on the whole it’s all working for me good angle. I’ve been there a time or two myself. Thanks for the reminder!
💖💖💖 Lawd help the saints!!! Girl my tantrums were epic! GMME style! 😩😂 Listen, I took that journey. Maybe I’ll have to vlog about it and share bcuz writing it… That’s a short story. LOL Meanwhile, in the end I’ve found God to be faithful, right on time AND a promise keeper. #TrustHim
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Michelle! I needed to be reminded to trust Him today. I can’t wait to see that vlog. When I get time, I need to catch up on your vids because they’re always uplifting. 🙂
Great post. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and it is the evidence of things not yet seen. Your name says it all. My daughter shares your blessing and when she gets discouraged I tell her the same thing.
Thank goodness for a spiritual ear and mind.